Here's a (Not So) Good Idea: Shun Valentine's Day

I’m pretty sure you ain’t got no money right now. You turned all the way up over the holidays, and now you’re paying the price. With the merries of December now past, you must settle your debts. This past month, you exercised discipline, tightened your belt and managed rather well the austerity.

As you are bringing your life back on track, a big problem is surfacing. You ignore it at first, hoping that it just fades away. But try as you might, the darn thing is storming at you.

You look up and realize that Valentine’s Day is upon us. It pisses you off because you will have to use your credit card again. Since you had resolved to be more financially responsible at the start of the year, you decide to shun Valentine’s Day. After all, you’ve been with your girl for ages! She’s not going to make a fuss because she did not receive any gifts on February 14th. Moreover, since you broke the bank to make her happy at Christmas, she should easily understand that your wallet needs some respite.

You mull it over and over and over. It’s not an easy decision to make, and you’re thinking about all the reasons to convince yourself that you are making the right choice. That’s when I step in, in my cape and with my arrows, to remind you that boycotting Valentine’s Day is a good idea on paper. But reality is quite different. Let me explain:

Her friends will receive gifts:
Your girl’s friends will all receive gifts. And when they ask your girlfriend what she has received, she will:
- Either lie to shield your couple from the slanderers (By the way: many of her friends already think you’re a loser who doesn’t deserve her. By deciding to shun Valentine’s Day, you will only strengthen their negative impressions.)
- Either tell the truth and throw you to the wolves.
For Valentine’s Day, your girlfriend just wants a nice evening in a fancy restaurant. But your stinginess may force her hand. Don’t screw up here, take the right decision.
Because she will give you a gift:
A friend of mine once told me that a few years back, his girlfriend and he had mutually agreed to skip Valentine’s Day because their finances weren’t in good shape. On D-day however, his girl caught him off guard with a present. “It was very embarrassing!”, he told me. A few days later, he offered her a present to return the favor, but the damage was done. Moral of the story: do not make the same mistake as my friend. Get your woman a gift even if she told you that she doesn’t want anything.
Because she wants to take pics the gift(s) and post it/them on her social media accounts:
Things done changed: it’s no longer enough to offer her a present; you must now make sure you shower her with gifts that are worthy of instagram . Pots and pans are very useful, but you’d never call them glamorous. Not sure about what to give her this Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t matter! You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Flowers and chocolate are a sure bet. And they are more than enough. It’s the intention that counts.
Because if you offer her the gift she’s dreaming of, she’ll let you (maybe) watch the PSG vs Real match:
The UEFA is a terrorist organization. Last year, the first leg between PSG and Barça took place on February 14th. The return match was held on March 8th, International Women’s Day. I know a lot of guys who couldn’t attend the Remontada live. Poor people! This year, UEFA has doubled down. The PSG vs Real Madrid match will take place on February 14th. If you send flowers to the office during the day, your girlfriend will let you (maybe) watch the game in the evening.

Happy Valentine’s day!

Editor’s Note:
The original opinion piece can be found on ‘Un lion parmi les hommes‘

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Hopiho

As a kid, I wanted to become a superhero. That didn't work out. I settled to become a doctor. That didn't work out. I settled to become a football star. That didn't work out. So now you have to settle for a dope blogger and rapper.